Thankful Thursday and me...

I decided to do something different for a post today. This blog is mostly about my journey with Faith but the reality is that journey is also my life too. I wanted to share a few things about myself and introduce you to Thankful Thursday. I honestly don’t recall how I stumbled across this blog, but what an inspirational family: http://www.aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/. You really should go over and check out their blog. So following their lead, here is my shot at Thankful Thursday!

This Thursday here are a few of the things I am thankful for…

• God and His grace
• My job…even on the frustrating days, I’m thankful
• My house…even though it’s older, it’s perfect for me!
• My family…so helpful to me
• My nephew Ian…that little man makes me smile and I never thought I could love someone else’s child so much. He’s amazing! (sorry fam, he does get his own bullet point)
• My dogs…they are my angels
• My friends…I must say I continue to be amazed with those that God surrounds me with. I find myself continually humbled for what some of them are walking through in life. And I’m forever thankful for their support and love! I’ve made some amazing new friends over the last few years….some great ‘dog’ friends – who get me like others don’t...blog friends...and even a new sister (she knows who is she is).

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Now for the second part of my post….the “me” part….

I am finding myself at a rather transitional phase in my life for lack of a better description, and this ‘phase’ seems to be lasting a few years :) To say that I never expected to be where I’m at in my life right now is the understatement of the year! I just turned 28 in January (yes, I’ve just admitted my age) and everyone keeps telling me you are so young! To me age is truly a number, but at 25 I kinda freaked, I felt like I was starting my life all over again, not a place I wanted to be. If you would’ve asked me 10 years ago where I’d be today, I would’ve said married with a family. Well, 10 years later I am single and have 4 dogs! Can you say….what!?!?!? Trust me, I have days when I am like how in the world did I get here!?!?!? For those of you reading this that don’t know me, I was married at the young age of 21 and divorced 2 years later. I’ll spare you the details, but I truly have spent the last 4-5 years rebuilding my life and figuring out who I am as a person. Not to mention jumping back into the dating scene as an adult…but that’s an entirely different story in and of itself! Though this is not where I planned to be in life, I’m learning and living to accept it. For the most part I’m ok with it, but I’m human and if I’m honest I have my days where it’s really hard! I’ve always thought I would have kids, I’ve always loved kids and most people that know me have always said, you will make a great mom someday. Over the past 2 years that desire, the need to have kids of my own has diminished, and I can tell you that that is only God working in my life. However, if God’s plan is for me to remain single my entire life, I’m not on board with that…yet. I do believe if that is His will for my life, He can bring me to that point. However, I often find myself a bit inpatient (I know, hard to imagine). I wish that God would just drop me a note saying this is my plan, this is my timeline. The detail personality in me would love that! However, I realize the reality of that wish is it’s not going to happen!

So much has changed in my life over the past 7-8 years it’s sometimes hard to believe. I feel like I should be 40 years old because of what I’ve walked through already in my lifetime. However, I do know one thing for certain, I wouldn’t go back and change it and I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made. Where I am at in life and what I’ve gone through has formed me into the woman that I am today, even though I’m still very much a work in progress. The bible verse that I have on this blog for Faith, is the same verse that I’ve been clinging to the past couple of years, in fact it hangs write on my computer monitor at work so I am daily reminded of God’s promise: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” –Hebrews 11:1

Another thing that has become very clear to me is that life is short, we have no promise of tomorrow and I might as well enjoy where I’m at and live life to the fullest! That too is a work in progress for me. Those of you that know me well know that I have a bit of OCD (mom, no comment from you!). I am a high-detail, structure and schedule orientated person. While I’m forced to have a level of structure and schedule with a job, home and 4 dogs – I probably am a bit more OC about it than some would be.

Yesterday nearing the end of the work day I received a call from my brother inviting me to meet them for pizza. They had tried to reach me the night before and we were unable to connect, so he was trying again. My initial reaction was that of…ugh…I’m so tired, I want to go home and crash, and I was gone the night before. But, I stopped and said yes, I’d love too…pizza at my favorite pizza place, time with my brother, sister-in-law and my favorite nephew. We had a wonderful time, the food was yummy and Ian always does my heart well! As I was driving home after meeting them, I thought to myself, you need to do this stuff more often! I need to not always be so rigid! Lost time can never be found and you might not always get that second chance. I need to step back and not get so frustrated with some of the little things in life...like a few muddy paws prints on my floors, and a few thousand dog hairs, but be thankful for the pitter-patter of the little and big paws running around my house that keep me company day in and day out, no matter what my attitude towards them is!

All this to say…I have experienced more heartache and pain in my life than I’d wish upon anyone. I wouldn’t wish for my worst enemy to experience a divorce. While I don’t blame all the pain entirely on others, I was as much a part of the picture and adding to the situation, but it still has been extremely hard. I’ve tried to not be bitter from what I’ve gone through but instead to grow from it. I still struggle with that, especially in the realm of dating. Rejection, judgment and hurt from others is never easy to swallow. I want to be a positive person, negativity drives me nuts. But I have to really work hard at that and check myself often. I also have to remind myself that God created me in His image, He holds me in the palm of His hand, He hears my every prayer, He knows my every hurt, He loves me unconditionally, He thinks I’m beautiful (Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." -1 Samuel 16:7b) and He will never leave me nor forsake me. I find myself forever grateful for God’s grace. Grace defined is “unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification, a virtue coming from God”. My divorce by far was the hardest thing I’ve ever walked through in my entire life. I found myself clinging to God for I knew not how I was going to get through this. Completely broken and bruised from the choices I’ve made was exactly where I was. This sin had a price tag that was far greater than I. But Jesus was waiting to bring me new hope in Him, for His grace will always be greater than sin. No matter where I’ve been, or what I’ve done, His grace is always and will forever be, greater than my sin! So not only I am thank for His grace, but His forgiveness and patience....as I'm truly a work in progress!

I don’t know where I found this quote, but it stuck with me…
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain...live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and leave the rest to God.

I think I shared more than I really had planned to, but I was open and honest. Thanks for reading my book :)